sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
