Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
