when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
