I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I am one with the molecules
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
