My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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