We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
