We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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