If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
