i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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