So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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