If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
