Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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