The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
