I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
