Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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