The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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