she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
