Im at strip club and am horny
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He did a backflip because drugs
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
