I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
