Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize