I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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