I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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