Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
