Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
