i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
