Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My bed smells like the plague
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
