there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
