physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
