For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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