Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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