I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
