While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
