Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
