Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
