i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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