I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Randomize
