I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Text me some of your sweat
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