Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
