My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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