Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
