nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
