Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
