Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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