you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
