very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You can't special order awesome
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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