So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
