you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
