I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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