So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
