god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
last night I used snow as a chaser
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
